回意起從前只是太遙遠

2011-10-23T23:12:00.005+08:00

there are some stuff in life that requires you to push through it yourself
just because there'll be no one waiting for you.
stop thinking everyone's gonna stay the same cos no one is gonna stay the same.

and sometimes we just have to force ourselves to learn and internalize that.

2011-09-22T05:20:00.004+08:00

its recess week! but I've been going to school for the past few days for make up lectures its so lame:/ stupid NUS and the pseudo recess week. I'm glad its recess week tho... then i can stay at home and 'catch up' with my work... yea its in inverted commas cos i never really caught up with it:/ i just spent the whole week thinking of stuff and watching youtube vids, watching tv. never even read my shashou book:/ SATs coming too and yea i haven't been studying. CM1401 CA also soon and i haven't tried any single question.

yes singapore is such a boring place... everyone just focuses on mugging and mugging and mugging and getting better grades than others/peers so that you see people just trying their best to reach for the top. i mean, its perfectly fine if thats your goal.. but if its your only goal... isn't it abit warped? yea.. i don't wanna be someone like that. uni's bad enough, don't need it to be worse for myself.

CW openstage last night. woah, i think its one of the busiest open stage i had ever been to. i was just running around serving and serving and clearing and taking orders and forgetting orders. tired... but stupid me came home and fell asleep until now... just because i was a lil bit tired after the showcase. damn it. one group sang sunyanzi's tong lei. i must say... its one of the songs that i like best from her!:D I'm happy that i found this place... where you see everyone with the passion for music. and great food hahah:D like what we wrote the the guest book the first time we went: 這是很ROCK的地方.

sodagreen's new album coming out really soon i guess! its like whee the song names are out already, the album title out alr, first song mv out alr:D lets hope they push the album out soon and come singapore to sign it! can't wait to see them. concert coming too. can't wait for con to see the awkwardness and tension between the sodagreen fans and the jaychou fans. (oops I'm auto-ostracising the other 2) i hope its a good con although they only gonna sing 7 songs:/

and yea i wanna go back to taiwan soon.

2011-09-20T08:06:00.000+08:00

呼吸

呼吸呼吸沒有你的空氣
夜沒有模糊我自己和你分離讓我更清醒

我輕輕呼吸呼吸這冰冷的空氣
昨天在淚眼中遠去有過溫柔我會記得你

照片中依然有那天陽光裡的溫度
手心還握著淡淡的幸褔
那快樂太清楚才襯出現在的孤獨
不能擁有全部只擁有回憶是受苦還是禮物

呼吸我需要多一點空氣
思念幾乎讓人窒息沉溺漆黑無聲的海底

我不能呼吸我需要多一點勇氣
畢竟真心難以忘記我和寂寞越來越熟悉

說一句再見是那麼容易多久才能填滿這冷清
別離的苦苦在回憶裡還有甜蜜

我慢慢呼吸呼吸這冰冷的空氣
昨天在淚眼中遠去有過溫柔我會記得你

走出了這一場迷霧陽光還有溫度
每一場離別當時都倉促是距離讓人領悟

呼吸我需要多一點空氣
思念幾乎讓人窒息沉溺漆黑無聲的海底

說一句再見是那麼容易多久才能填滿這冷清
別離的苦苦在回憶裡還有甜蜜

我慢慢呼吸呼吸沒有你的空氣
夜沒有模糊我自己和你分離讓我更清醒

我輕輕呼吸呼吸這冰冷的空氣
昨天在淚眼中遠去有過溫柔回首這風雨
微笑竟然是我最常想起的表情

2011-09-04T19:12:00.003+08:00

uni's starting to get quite busy with work and stuff and yes i have to admit I'm getting grind of stressed with work stuff these days. USP is being a pain in the ass. i mean.... its fun and we do earn v good and interesting stuff but I'm not sure if i can score for it! especially with my teeny weeny writing skills that will even fail GP papers during practices. (we all know the grades in As mean nothing here) I have a paper to write AND HAVE TO WRITE IT GODDAMN WELL, i have a CA for genetics 1102 module on wednesday, i have a CA for chem 1401 module next next week and I have SATs to study for. sigh gotta get down to gearing my brain back into the studying mode before i die failing all my exams!

still.. I'm glad i have things to do. at least i spend less time thinking of stupid emo stuff and more time on thinking of practical stuff which i can really do now in this period of time to make things less difficult.:D I'm working hard:D really i am:D

went to USS for the first time in my life! omg la its really a crazy experience. just wasting money spamming money to go into the place to be crazy for one whole day! i wouldn't have rode on any of the rides last time! but yaye I'm really glad i tried many of the rides! including the slow slow pokey pokey ones:D yaye! and its was fun going with all of you!:D

and gosh the cool concert that we went after USS! we were all so tired alr! and we still had to deal with some irritating people standing beside us! (ok la its just me) cos jane and ziai not so affected by them! ANW~ the concert was so fun! all the good good people! and hocc which i heard of so much but never heard live! but yea i must admit the person just blasted the master volume:/ stupid thing to do cos you could just increase mic volume and not blast music like as if its hohaiyen-_- gosh your audience size/space is not even 1/15 of hohayen's space! or 1/10 of F1 live con space!! so don't kill our ears!! but then its still good! lgz was duper funny! actually all of them were super funny!

I CANT WAIT FOR SODAGREEN CON!

and driving! I'm almost done with stage one of practical lessons! two more stages to go! which means maybe around 20 more lessons! lets hope but the end of the year i can get my license alr!:D I'm eggcited:D cos driving is seriously quite fun! its stressful tho. need to focus much!

BUFFET TRIP WITH LIEWWANJANE AND TANJIALING TMR! I'm eggcited toooooooo! hahhahah oh manz all of you are going away alr:/ ahhhh don't go away! i want so many more buffets with you two!!!~

back to reality.
gonna be a busy mugging week:/

2011-08-22T15:39:00.001+08:00

so i didnt blog everyday in the end!-_-

went for my first driving lesson on friday! whee its so fun except for the fact that i can't drive properly:( doing the turns in the circuit and i realize that i keep turning into the wrong lane! and i was so stressed when theres another car near me lol:) but ill look forward to next friday! then i can go and drive again!:D:D hope i won't waste so much time just going from amk to woodlands and back again:(

schools stressful for me now. especially ups mod. idk if i can do well or something. its like the grading and everything is so subjective here i don't know how to work with it. I'm reading loads but not internalizing much. which is bad and a big big FLAW. then I'm trying to analyze my source but i realized that SIGH i don't think I'm doing it v well.and for CYBERART too:( i guess i still need to be more vocal. come on jiemin. i need to speak up. at least more then one sentence per class please! OR ELSE YOU ONLY HAVE YOURSELF TO BLAME IF YOU FAIL AT THE CLASS PARTICIPATION PART!:(

yeps. counting down for so many things. saying goodbye to so many people. everyones leaving. i keep asking myself why uni equates to loneliness and everything. i guess its my own fault. i need to venture out of my comfort zone and everything. yes jiemin please do that.

and i need to hol dmysef so that i keep to deadlines. thats before i get too many things to do and die before the exams. i released time is going to go past fast. like really fast. lets choose what we can do and what we want to do. do it to the best of our abilities. we'll be great people. and ea the future will be great:)

its only monday! hope friday comes soon!

2011-08-09T09:21:00.002+08:00

oops i realised i didn't blog yesterday night. came back quite late but whee it was definitely a great time.

going for rag today. last day alr. i guess. i really really honestly can wait for it to be over. okay. I'm supposed to psycho myself that all is well and I'm okay being all alone in this place. yea. i guess i can actually make friends while going to modules. unless they alr have a great big bunch of friends there waiting for ten i think it should be alright.

sigh. im not going for rag with anyone else. be all alone jiemin. and grow up luh NAHJIEMIN. just chillax and everything will be fine. breakfast i ate alone. zzzzz wonder how much more unfriendly i can become. guess i don't really want to go back to sleep tonight? ill just to back on friday i guess. lets see how. hmm actually cannot see how. i only have like 1 more hour to decide before i make a move to go to SRC to take the bus to rag.

ok jiemin. lets do it manzzzzzzzz.

sigh.

2011-08-08T10:55:00.002+08:00

first night at uTown last night.

its okay considering that i reached my room at around 3 plus in the morning and still had to shower before i went to sleep. i guess this is sort of a growing up thing. moving out, staying alone. not that i can't do it. its just abit more scary for me considering that i haven't stayed alone/had my own room before, and I'm not v v v v good at making friends. somehow i got more afraid of making friends after i got away from JC. i mean, moving on to JC was relatively okay cos we all went up together as a buch, and we had a good time there. but uni is different. its like you have to meet loads of new people and these new people aren't going to stay v long with you as friends. and i sort of can't decide how to make friends now. shiats i made myself a loner. LONER ME. lol.

ragging last night was okay. i didn't do much cos i wasn't there for rag for v v v v long not like the others who came down so many days to help. i sort of don't like that idea of this. or maybe i just want to be excluded. shit la hahah i cannot be like that anymore. i guess its a phase. just that now i can't find my direction as clearly. people make friends fast. and i get left behind. thats the truth. sheesh.

hate that. hate being left behind. and now i neither here nor there. feel like some shit ass stuck in the middle. why can't we just all go uni tgt:( hahah I'm jumping back into my comfort zone. crappy me again.

YEA. and ill try to blog every night now. since its quite boring here (VERY CONDUCIVE FOR STUDY!) and there's nothing to do at night except to study. unless i go make some friends. everyone's making new friends and I'm not. thats damn sad. ok fine i admit I'm a LOSER LONER. crap hate that feeling. ok I'm gonna make myself good and go on trying to make friends again. maybe not this bunch of people. maybe ill start with my tutorial and lectures classmates. ok thats what ill do.

AND ILL PRINT MY LECTURE NOTES TONIGHT AND DIE FROM NOT UNDERSTANDING WHAT EVERYTHING MEANS.

goodluck-_-

2011-07-17T23:11:00.002+08:00

monday: some usp rag thing that i just rmbered i had to go, afternoon med checkup, night dinner with hccd peeps
tuesday: astar tea session, cw
wednesday: work @ cw at night, open stage
thursday: social night thingum at night
friday: nus fos dean's welcome tea, BECOMING at night
saturday: nothing
sunday: work @ cw

crappy hectc week. i hope i dont die from all the lame uni and scholarship stuff. a lil scary now cos its like why everyone so knowledgeable about uni life, what they are doing where they are going and im just stuck here all by myself having to handle everything? idk im just incompetent i guess. and too dependent on people le. typical MOE breed - spoonfed - and the verdict is to die now.

seriously the hectic-ness of this whole thing actually gets to my nerves. maybe im just a person who likes to slack around doing nothing at all. then poof comes all the uni stuff and makes me irritated. and my ignorance of the uni stuff too. a lil too much at one go i cant handle it. plus now i cant depend on anyone else to interpret the information and guide me along le! its me and i have to battle it out all by myself now.

havent blogged in a long time. i should start blogging soon manz. i realised i havent posted ever since i started work at cw! wah thats like so long ago. so many things happened.

argh i seriously dont know how to handle myself now. too many things. too many things to handle. uni life. your uni life. moving in to usp rc, mixing with weird and new people. doing so many thins n an unfamiliar places. trying to act high and be connected with everyone else when i know i cant and when i know the others can. trying to make sure i fit in and failing v badly at everything. actually all i ask for is just a lil bit more time to help me settle into this new thingy that i dont really like. since you gonna let yourself have alot of time to settle in there as well. idk if saying this i wrong and selfish again but i really hope so... its like you'll have 24/7 to settle into uni each day, i just need a lil bit more time to fit in. im trying my best alr. yet its still so difficult. im really stressed. and all i need is your a lil bit of help and encouragement cos i really cant find any anywhere else.

yea talking about that. my parents are all going to be overseas when i move in college. its more like they dont care. my mum even reminded me not to request my aunt for help with moving since my aunt secifically told her no need to help with her kids when she is away. but these are freaking two different scenarios. oh wells i guess im lugging my stuff with me either on bus or on taxi. i hope everythings ok. yea.. maybe its just me but i think my parents dont really care if i get anything anyway, apd/astar/uni/usp,. maybe they are just fang xin to let me do my own stuff. only to the horror that im actually killing myself slowly by doing things that i dunno. ah whatever. just pia anything. i just that'll work out somehow, someday.

too many things to think, and i dunno how to type them here.

i know you, you know me.
nothing's changed, yet everything's gonna change.

rahh.

2011-06-02T23:07:00.003+08:00

THANK YOU SO MUCH JANE! FOR TREATING ME FISH & CO. WHICH IS LIKE DUPERLY EX LUHHHHHHHH!~ <3!

hahha happy days:D just got my A*STAR letter mailed to me:D SAT is still a super big problem tho! really really really hope i cam hit the scores to get that conditional offer for AUS! AUS srsly has much much better terms than NUS scholarships (maybe its just because i didnt get the higher up NUS scholarships-_-)! really hope ill be good in life sciences too! 4.25 CAP each year plus compulsory PhD at the end of it! imo i need to be a real real mugger +closet mugger already!

and i think ill most probably join NUS synergy instead of chinese dance:/ although i dont really want to give up chinese dance after so many years! like what people says, chinese is rooted in those who started CD from young. ahah i think it's true cos when we do hiphop/bboy actions we still look like we're doing chinese dance! but then NUSCD really doesnt sound as enticing as synergy! PLUS silvia yong is teaching there~~~~ i want to do contemp really! and find a good contemp school so that i can carry on dancing and not just stop here!

talking about CD! monday was the last time i was officially dancing as part of HCCD:( HCCD really was a big part of me and junior college life in hwachong. from syf, to yingtai, to kongque,to shanxiang, to cabbage dance, to our own choreos: xinlv, xun and wo, our own dancenight TRANSCENDANCE with hetangyuese, xinzhiyi, yuhou:D MIMESIS with our last choreo wo with our batch mates:DDDDDD love all the dances:D love all my batchmates, juniors and seniors<3 hccd is a good memory:) hwachong and my honour as part of it:D

and last:) i think im a teary person. listen to songs also cry. cant find you also cry. everything also cry. hahah 淚腺太發達. im here again in the midst of the night. listening to radio and thinking about our past and the future. its so scary. but from 5 years ago, we've changed didnt we? today we walked past subway, and i remembered those late nights we go to subway to eat dinner and to see elaine after mugging in school, only to go home to continue mugging:) and those nights we stayed up to 3-4 am to mug and mug. the times we spent in your house mugging for Os and shrieking in happiness when we found out that the question that we spotted came out for math Os:Dthe times when your specs were the same as mine:D the new year's eve we spent staying over at your house to watch sodagreen, only to spend the whole night fixing the rubix cube:D i was really really happy when we finished fixing it:D these are memories. we've changed and we're here. so we'll be okay. we'll be okay:D buying all the envelops that day in popular... we'll be fine, we'll still be in touch:D

hahah and i want to tear again:D

如果想到我會哭你會心疼嗎?

2011-05-20T00:20:00.002+08:00

sometimes i think i cant not be sad or i cant really bring myself to cope with whatever's gonna happen. not now, and maybe not ever. its like if i ever wind down the unhappiness or the level of :( im getting its like making your presence seem less and less important. its like only if i dont care if youre around that ill be un-sad. but thats so not true cos i really wished youll be around. i dont now what i can do/what i cant cope without you here, but i know that i cant help it too. its not my call, not in my power, so i cant do anything but wish for the best for you. and yes, this moment is too important for me to not fear the probable diminishing of the now. so im sad. so ill constantly be reminded that i have to start getting used to it, ill constantly be reminded of the differences that will become, that will happen. yea, i think i need to grow up, but i dont think i can grow out of this. it leaves me helpless but oh wells, this is life.

a choice says alot. and it speaks for itself.

when we put two things on the balance and compare the pros and cons, choosing something will ultimately make the other lose out.but everyone works the same way. the econs way, a choice is made so you lose less and get more, something more important, more essential. and whats left is just the opportunity cost. its a cost no doubt, and itll hurt. and people choose so that there is less opp cost? so that they wont hurt so much rather than what will happen if it happens the other way round? i guess there must be a reason why econs works this way, cos in general the world works this way too. maybe its just more practical and logical and rational to work this way.

and yet choices, and so hurt, is part and parcel of growing up. its a way to find ourselves. but specialising, by eliminating, by choosing, by shedding, by picking your future, custom-made so that it turns out the most ideal. and we all have to learn to let go of stuff someday. im learning, but yea i think itll take me forever to get there.

香格里拉--魏如萱

我以為認真去做就能實現我的夢
以為寫首好歌走路就能抬起頭
以為騎摩托車旅行就能變英雄
現在的我失去了衝動

有才華的人唾棄金光閃閃的獎座
親愛的 Cobain　是否也曾愛慕虛榮
多希望有人衝破疑惑帶我向前走
現在的我變的好懦弱

雨會下雨會停　這是不變的道理
夜空中北極星　迷路的人不恐懼
我唱歌你在聽　一切風平又浪靜
Ｇ和絃的根音　撫平脆弱的心靈

我只想牽著你　走到很遠的夢裡
小木屋紅屋頂　地址是一個秘密
你抱著小貓咪　藍眼睛不再憂鬱
香格里拉　讓我們去找尋

我只想牽著你　走到很遠的夢裡
小木屋紅屋頂　地址是一個秘密
你抱著小貓咪　藍眼睛不再憂鬱
香格里拉在那裡　讓我們去找尋

2011-05-19T00:02:00.003+08:00

林宥嘉 live album 眼色的編曲也太好啊聽了吧?!(真的是聽到醉了~)

this is good music!:D

spam his album spam spam spam~

2011-05-11T22:54:00.002+08:00

或許我已經到了一個追不上你的極限

sometimes i think that i should stop trying to make things all right cos i already lost the power to do so.

2011-05-11T02:23:00.002+08:00

bought yoga's album!:)))

it's totally worth the money! superly worth the money!! being greedy singaporeans the album itself was big enough but yea let's get on to the more important and worthy-to-take-note-of stuff!;) the album cover was great!:) design was great concept was great!:) which is why I keep saying that his qihua this time is really really great!:)(OR THAT HIM IS REALLY INVESTING ON HIM MORE COS HE'S JUST DUPER!) I'm actually going for the second one:) it's really impressive:) I personally like the brown corrugated box exterior cos it's a back-to-basics style:D and the things inside are WOWWWW~ two cds for price of the new album (yea aunty me) but then the whole package is just woosh!! the lyrics book is always the zhong dian for me when I open albums but this one is cool~ TMD is seriously an understatement to the zainess of the whole thing:) the lyrics book is simple and yet YES talks about life and the PERFECT LIFE we all want:) this lyrics book rocks:)

and needless to say:) his songs are just great:) alr spammed WANAN and XIANGZIYOU online but the other songs are equally nice!:) yoga has really made a voice for himself:) haven't got to the live album yet but wheee I'm setting real high expectations for it:))) especially since it's live album!:) really really glad that I spent money on this!:) (now to save for cheer live album, waa's ep, khalil's album, xjy's album and sodagreen's album soon soon!:D)

just a sidenote though~
yoga's forth album... is it gonna be the size of a poster or what!!
LOL~

2011-05-08T03:46:00.002+08:00

such a tiring day.

i shall stop being an ignorant fool/stop showing off my ignorance anymore. its really better to shut up no matter in what situation im in. 三緘其口三緘其口! NAHJIEMIN stop thinking people actually will want to listen to your views or what you have to offer cos you have nothing to offer. and stop being sad when people dont actually pick up what you want to say cos yea.. the first point of stop thinking people actually want to listen!

2011-05-03T09:06:00.003+08:00

i think im a loser!

lol im keep choosing things that im not expected to choose.

like bioscience over medicine. like sodagreen over jaychou. low paying crazyworld over high paying clinic job. i really think crazy me is gonna choose crazyworld to work in. heck about the low pay. at least i get paid? hahha actually idk. cos i wanted to choose a simple small no-shifts job. but in the end crazyworld came up! its so cool! decided not to go for the recruit express thingy cos its bad to actually go and then tell them in the end you dont want the job anyways. its a you-are-not-one-of-my-choices-so-i-dont-want-to-mafan-you thing. as you can see crazyworld is really appealing to me.

hahha either im really a lose or im really cool!:DDD

talking about jobs!! its really about time i need to go back to the airport to RETURN MY AIRPORT PASS PLUS THE UNIFORM PLUS GET MY HALF A MONTH PAY! damn it even if its 500 bucks i want it! and im glad i left the company mid-april cos i really do enjoy unemployment. but its killing me cos everyone's getting employed/is already employed! and im getting bored at home.

SO YEA! CRAZYWORLD! i just need to convince my mum that im not crazy:D

havent got any news from usp:( and im SCARED i screw up ASTAR at this last interview zzzzzzzz! USP+BIOSCIENCE+ASTAR would be really really good. actually, i see how people go apply for many many many many many scholarships and i wonder if that is why i may end up with no scholarships at all. cos i only applied for two while people actually applied for like so many! so im back to the point where i get killed cos im too lazy and slack.

and i need a bigger bookshelve to put my cds and books! im like piling them all up its so messy in my current shelf! i also need to buy film so i can start taking photos with my tlr!:D and buy some stuff so i can my tlr look cooler! hahha planning to buy some stickers or stuff! plus the neck strap!:D and waa's ep,the girl and the robots album, yoga new album etc besides all other things:D since the good music are apparently all coming out this season! hahah im indulging myself too much!:D

and i made myself not eat fastfood anymore! at least for two weeks!:D healthy living FTW! aim of this is to save more money and get less fat! hahha yaye!:D

2011-04-28T22:49:00.005+08:00

我有種感覺
就好像你越來越不需要我了
像沙漏跟著時間一點一點
那種重要也會一點一點的流逝吧
我好想抓緊然後很緊很緊很緊很緊讓時間都停駐在這一刻
我怕我已經沒有自信告訴自己說我很重要
我好像也沒有能力
就這樣一直不安.
我怕有一天我在也猜不透你在想什麼
然後你也不需要我了或者我再也不會那麼重要了
然後我就會慢慢消失
慢慢死去.

這個世界很可笑
不可能找到另外一個人陪你孤獨
因為孤獨始終還是一個人的事

2011-04-26T08:40:00.002+08:00

i need to start work soon. before i get killed by boredom or i get killed by my mum drowning me with all the facts. and the FACT IS: I AM UNEMPLOYED AND WASTING MY GODDAMN TIME AT HOME JUST WATCHING HOUSE! okay. im a lazy kid so i actually like slacking around. but slacking around means wasting money and spending money while the others are working their asses off earning money. YES ECONS NOTES... NOW I FULLY UNDERSTAND THE PSYCHOLOGICAL REPERCUSSIONS OF BEING UNEMPLOYED. being socially unneeded and seen as a lazy outcast, thats for a start. URGHS!gotta have to find work soon. its EITHER i do a normal 5 day work week kinda boring little job as a temp in a office doing data entry and ad hoc duties OR i go back to my previous life and do shift work but this time not with such extreme shifts! i think i can hadle these types of shifts better though. except that i will have to work saturdays, sudays and PH again-_-

ACTUALLY SAW A FEW COOLER ONES. as in for the shift work types. like the one for BLACK, some cafe in somerset and raffles place which cool interiors cos their bosses like antique furniture!:D either i work in someplace with a cool job or someplace with a cool place!WHICH ACTUALLY MEANS COOL INTERIORS:)and the job for the florist one.. but also not 5 day week. coffe bean and tea leaves? hahha im weird cos im actually considering alot of(TWO?)coffee places when i dont drink coffee at all! hahha so dont say im not a coffee addict! hahah i can dont drink coffee and STILL BE AN ADDICT! hahha:D i guess what i like is th atmosphere of the cafes and stuff and YES that includes their interior design cos i think that oh so important:D

so the main point is i got to get a job
(1)THAT I LIKE
(2)THAT WILL NOT DISTURB MY SCHEDULES CONSIDERING ALL THE DANCE NIGHT REHEARSALS COMING UP!
(3)THAT IS DECENTLY PAID
I GUESS I CANT FULFILL ALL OF THESE THOUGH. COS THE JOBS THAT I LIKE ARE ALL FOR SHIFTS/RETAIL HOURS!!!!!!!!!! good luck to me.

ok. seriously. i still feel abit sad when i look at photos on facebook. its all the you-could-have-done-it-so-why-didnt-you-want-to-try kind of thing. hmm i guess lousy-me's always around no matter how i want to shove it into the rubbish bin. its not like oh yea i think everything is good means everything is good. the society just naturally splits us into different groups, different stratas. the society looks at us differently when we have different careers. and yea. im part of this screwed up society. and so i still see myself as lousier. but oh wells. its my own fault. im just grumbling at my choices. cos i dunno if i will regret it or not. its like so many things unknown, so many new things to handle. I CANT HANDLE NEW THINGS! i prefer to stay like that for forever. but sadly the screwed up society doesnt allow us to do that too. we just have to move on and become screwed/become cool. or become friendly/become alone. thats life. i see people who are happy with what they do. and their moving on with their lives like everything's set out for them. which is god n a way. i think im just too lazy. and this freaking laziness is gonna crush myself at one time or another. seriously i hate me just like how i hate society. THE SCREWED UP LIKE MSJIANGLAI SOCIETY.

I SEE PEOPLE THROW THEIR JOBS FOR LYRICS... FOR DOING MUSIC. they're cool man. if one day i have the ability to do that i hope i have the courage too!:D but thats thinking too far away. lets focus on SENDING MY ACCEPTANCE FORM BACK TO NUS FIRST-_- and sheesh i dont know when the scholarships people are going to reply me to say if they are gonna throw my application away or not. sian. lazy me too. i need to change man. this me is bad. and i think im gonna get really screwed up cos i love the past more than i like the future. thats gonna be bad too!

2011-04-22T17:00:00.002+08:00

whee. made a tlr yesterday with jane!! okay la i didnt really do it lah. basically cos i didnt pay for the fun ahahha. so i cant enjoy the fun:) but i think i gotta buy one though. tai cool le bah!!! haha just building it seems cool enough:))) and my diana mini. wonder when ill tell myself to go buy the camera! hahah.

unemployed me. haha but i was busy these few days with interviews and whatnot. guess thay were all pretty fine. but i dont really have this strong feeling that ill get it or not. i guess im like "whatever" even if i dont get it. as in gettign i tis good! itll be the best. but idk leh... doesnt seem like me to get so upset over not getting a scholarship or not. i think im contented by just being a commoner:D like low-lying common common commoner. guess thats my role in life. which is really why i cant achieve aything big too. no courage for anything etc etc, gotta have to change that really soon.

kop-ed house to watch and i already chionged all the way to season 3 episode 7!:DD heyyy. i guess my drama watching skills havent deteriorated much!still can cover so many episodes at one go! but i need to go and find some cool jap/tw drama soon. or else my life will get so so so so boring. especially after i finish house and espeacially especially especially next week onwards. gotta have to find something to keep myself occupied during the day! maybe gonna go find a job or something. or else ill be bored to death thinking of stupid and stupider stuff. my brain will stop moving too! urghhh! need to move my brain or ill just stop thinking and ill become some real stupid freak already!

sometimes, just for a little while, if youre nowhere to be found, i'll go right down to the insecure state again. (which is like now) i cant help it though, although i should stop doing stuff this way.

okay. HOUSE.

2011-04-16T11:35:00.003+08:00

我猜我有時候也需要一些保證
或者我應該開始適應未來?

2011-04-09T01:33:00.003+08:00

真的沒有你的錯.

只是我突然想到一些東西.
我應該學會知足吧.
不要奢望太多有的沒的, 不要認為全世界都該是我的, 不要在懶惰了.
不要再認為我不會犯錯, 因為其實我犯很多錯, 和有讓人不耐煩的時候.
不要在扼殺你生命中其他重要的人事物, 因為你有權力擁抱他們.
我沒有權力戳破, 這是我該遵守的基本常識.

知足.
要開始知足了.
因為這樣很好.
就維持這樣到永遠,很好. (又沒有知足了)

好啦為了不要太過貪心,
就讓這樣的氛圍維持越久越好.

如果我愛上你的笑容要怎麼收藏要怎麼擁有?

在還沒有開始'知足'作戰計畫之前
我只是想再擁有多一點點
擁抱多一點點你的身影.

那樣的回憶那麼足夠~

2011-04-06T16:09:00.000+08:00

ok goddammit I'm actually feeling very very very superly lousy:(

2011-04-04T02:34:00.002+08:00

its 2.40 am~

jeffery archer was here yesterday. didnt manage to ask for an individual photo with him cos he was too engrossed in watchign the cricket match (in my shop's messy storeroom?!). but he was a nice guy all right:) chatty + friendly:) too bad i forgot to bring his books over to let him sign on them. oh whatever:D but he is one charismatic old man:D but it was a little paiseh though cos not many people came around for signature. abit like a lonely old man sitting there:) but i guess he was contented with being able to watch his cricket match in this cosy messy space!

talked to midnight sup today. i think its great talking to people like him. you understand what people are thinking. its like. you dont like the job. but you have bigger responsibilities like family that you have to account to. so you cant just quit and pack and go whenever you want, whenever you like.

makes me think of my dad. cos he just told me that most prob he's not quitting now:/ just because his pay is essential to the family. and just cos its safer to work there. it may be true. but i want to tell him that he should do whatever he wants... now. i can see the passion in him when he mentioned what he planned to do if he quitted. its great courage i bet, to make that decision and to even tell his boss his initial decision. but i guess he still loves a large part of his current job. and im glad he still has something to look forward to when he goes to work:D

i wanna go to taiwan soooooooooon. or wherever. need to get out and explore abit more. yea i think im sort of insecure. but its okay. as long as i dont get too insecure about stuff. felt really lousy this period. about everything. about not committing enough for dance, about looking at everyone go read med, about people looking at me (yea still). but i think its better now. im more sure of what i want to do. or lets say im just a person who doesnt think really far away. as long as now=happy, then its okay:D and that is why i cant wait for dinner tomorrow too. i think we should stay like that.we all have that part in us:D all of us have. just that we/i dont know how to express it. or where to put that on the map in our lives.

and i want my diana f+ mini damn it. hahah i shall buy it soon soon soon as soon as i feel im rich enough:D ahhah feel=really rich. thats a true fact:D but i still want it:D its nice. shall get it before i go taiwan so that ill have it there to take preeeeeety photos:D

positive energy nowadays:D guess its not bad:D

lets see where life takes us:D

2011-03-24T18:21:00.001+08:00

我猜我没有让你参与的力量
也是我失败的一个地方

2011-03-24T09:17:00.003+08:00

i find it really fascinating to see how people can easily put their trust on others.

this totally came from the taxi ride home yesterday at 130 am-_-. seriously i think the later i stay awake the more things i can blog about lol. its like. how do people put their trust into thinking that walking out of the shop and going out to the road just outside the departure hall will guarantee them a ride home? how do they trust that people all them are not going to take out their cigarettes and blow the smoke into their face? (okay. this one particularly for me.)how do they trust that the taxi uncle will really fetch them home? how to they trust that the team of strangers who squeeze into the same taxi doesnt consist of at least one murderer?

haha. i think im hysterical.

i guess it came from reading too much jbd too. this book is really sick:/ actually the explicit part is expected of the book but the chopping and cutting and stabbing and cooking, like wth COOKING?! is srsly crazy. but i finish 2/3 of the book yesteday while stoning at the shop:D heh. i think thats why i really love working alone at the small shop. dont have to go and care how people are lazy/crazy and you can just do your thing at your own pace. srsly. experience doesnt make much of a difference if you never use your brains to do things the faster/more efficient way. when youre inefficient, experience doesnt matter. and stop giving the im-more-experience-stop-trying-to-override-me kind of look. quite irritating and stupid. and thats why im resigning. from the mismanagement, to the mess, and to the laziness ive seen in everyone. its quite overpowering. better leave before it rots my brain. i already think i become stupid working there:/

我保護自己的地方　不讓別人弄髒　才能勇敢瘋狂

okay. time to kop something to eat. then send khairul and lck emails. wind up chingay stuff. and omg write some essay/read jbd. okay man. scrap the essay part. shall email the astar person lol.

and ew, there's work later + not in small shop!!!!!

2011-03-23T01:17:00.002+08:00

這是一個虛假得精緻的世界
這個城市裡居住的人已經不再滿足於當個雙面人
性格多到像一個萬花筒裡的景象
下一個自己會是怎樣?
沒有人摸得清因為他自己也摸不清自己
微笑背後也不再只藏一把刀
凡事都不能只看表面
這是一代傳一代的忠告
也是一代傳一代的腐敗
這就是現實的世界.

所以我們都活得那麼困難
忙上忙下,還得撥出時間顧好自己的面子/形象/儀態
在不蹧蹋上司的過程中
把自己的慾望提高到極限
這就是人的貪婪.

而在這座城市裡懶惰已被發揮到極致
在沒有顧慮到別人只顧慮到自己的福利的事後
東西累積得越來越多
然後
人嘛.
就只會指怪別人怎麼都不做事
怎麼都沒做好
怎麼那麼懶惰
怎麼拿錢不工作
怎麼這個
怎麼那個
只是'怎麼'裡從來沒有自己的影子.
動作最快的時候就是回家的時候
或是交待別人幫你把你該做的事情做好的時候.

這就是我們建立的完美世界.

2011-03-15T05:40:00.000+08:00

it's 5.38am and I suddenly cant find the courage in me:/

2011-03-10T16:53:00.004+08:00

我想我只是要維護一些東西
可是我會無能為力
然後就很害怕很害怕

然後我很生氣啊
生氣為甚麼我是一個這麼沒用的人
我沒有辦法抓住時間
沒有辦法幫上任何忙
沒有辦法讓自己不要這麼依賴
沒有辦法不羨慕有那麼都朋友的你
沒有辦法發覺你會開始忙碌而我卻原地踏步

2011-03-09T10:36:00.007+08:00

過去一直去，未來一直來，只有現在

這是活著.

------------------------
作詞：青峰作曲：青峰

同張臉同時間換個地點，
或是同地點同時間速食陌生的臉；
在渴望的夢中尋歡幾遍，
已經將現在都變成未來的舊照片。

愛追求到最後只剩零碎，
我們也只能選擇跟幸福擦肩；
交替的身邊的不同氣味，
沉澱出所有殘缺的不可或缺。

夏日已老，我已熟悉黑夜。

像盲目的魚群渴望海水，
愛情是嘆息燃燒起的一陣暴風煙；
就像沒有路的森林繞了幾回，
熱情是刺激慾望必然的反射行為。

愛追求到最後只剩零碎，
我們也只能選擇跟幸福擦肩；
交替的身邊的不同氣味，
沉澱出所有殘缺的不可或缺。

寂寞已老，我已屬於黑夜。

像拉鍊般走過街，拉開回憶的情節。
當然，死去的範圍，包括你的某一面；
雖然─先不論多傻─你也曾幻想，在無花果樹裡尋花。

放棄未來的渴盼，告別昨日的狂野，
明天在什麼世界，身邊還會有個誰，
失去感情的能力─無論要求或給予─曾有的愛還在不在？

多少次寧願都重新開始，
過去一直去，未來一直來，只有現在

同地點同時間同樣的臉，
同樣的一個我一顆心忽然已明白；
夢中的浮士德迷路幾遍，
說不定就撿到遺失很久的那一塊。

像盲目的季節來來回回，
不管黑夜怎麼長，白晝總會到來。
就像沒有路的森林衝破了天，
終於了解，生命必須有裂縫，陽光才照得進來

還未到來。
將要，未來。
就快未來
--------------------------

( i think she sings the bridge really like qf:D )

該是重新去品嘗夏/狂熱的時候了.

2011-03-09T01:33:00.002+08:00

im blogging in the dark while coughing like mad. is that cool or not!:)

yea been thinking alot about uni stuff and results day.
i know i got results that are not bad lah but i really dont want everyone to put this expectations on me cos i freaking know that i cant make it. its like i was never worthy of all these stuff i know. probably i could have studied a little harder or put in abit more effort to at least make whatever i got seem like i worked for it instead of people thinking i bribed seab or something. or maybe i did bribe seab subconsciously so i wasnt really aware? wth la srsly. then everyone looks at me like im supposed to utilise these grades to its fullest potential like to get into medicine or something. yea im sorry maybe i shouldnt have wasted my grades cos i dont freaking want to get into med but everyone makes it seem so unethical that i dont choose med:( nahh i think ill get killed for thinking like that cos its like im being proud and whiney about nothing. but yea:( i feel abit sad when people come up and show me how i shouldnt be able to get these results.

then uni applications. i feel like a useless freak cos everyone is like damn prepared about uni. brightsparks referees and all. and im like nothing.srsly nothing. i feel scared at that thought actually, cos i scared ill just miss every deadline then cant get into uni at all. then at cca too... but thats a long time ago thing i shouldnt even bring it up anymore.

work too. why does the world work in this way where people use you so blatantly. i think the worlds screwed. everyones too much cooped up in their world of making more and more money that they turn scary. i want to open shop so that we can hurry run from the scariness and stop ourselves from morphing into the crazy people out there. at least thats what i think.

coming back to the point, i dont want to be a useless person. im scared if im useless then one day youll not need me anymore. or ill just get so irritating youll just feel like ignoring me. im envious of you actually, you have so many friends you can talk to, so many people around you, so many who help you. im scared once you feel like you dont need me ill just slowly disintegrate or something. yea or probably its all just wild guesses. but yea ill try not to be useless that soon! haah to tell the truth i was a lil bit disappointed today. (im lying cos it was quite a bit haha) but yea i think i shouldnt. its an evil thought. in that hour i was expecting a lil too much i guess. sorry!

oh and on a sidenote, i found a really nice book! its called DREAMSELLER! its like fiction with heavy religious undertones but i love it all the same:D got to find time to read it!

tmr's bread for dinner. im bread-gir:). really need to find a more effective way to cut down on the fats yea...and another place to stone.. getting abit sian of sitting alone at that same corner every night.

2011-03-04T22:29:00.001+08:00

its again one of the days which i think it'll be much better with me disappearing off somewhere.

2011-02-28T04:31:00.004+08:00

its 4.38am now and im actually quite awake! great feat! i didnt even sleep for the last few hours and i dont think i need to for the next few till i get home to my bed!!

spent the whole time in the wee hours of the morning sitting in the shop alone reading NEVER LET ME GO. nice feeling though i forgot to wake my sup up-_- (but i honestly didnt hear her asking me to wake her up)i think i read slowly cos i only managed to finish a few chapters over the few hours but who cares:D and i realised why some people would think that the book is boring (this is what comes from working at a bookshop i guess. you get colleagues who knows about/at least flipped through the first few pages of almost every book that i know of. ok this is partially cos i only know of very little books in the first place)the book is essentially a very thoughtful novel and i guess it wouldnt appeal at all to people trying to read it for thrills or some big plot and hidden meanings etc etc. its a very subtle book about relationships and controversies. how to accept that you are different outside but not at all different inside. or maybe it just shows us how human try desperately trying to find means and ways to show that we are all essentially the same cos we just cant accept any difference? actually i dont really know cos i havent really finished the book. but its a nice book though. very different feel from dan brown/ jeffery archer etc but it really appeals to me more:D kazuo ishiguro is good hah:D

then i was thinking about friday too. like how everyone is scared about going back to school but no one actually believes that others are genuinely scared except for themselves. (do i make sense?) its like when people tell you that they're scared of results day youll just shrug it of with a 'wont be that bad de la!' or a 'wth can you dont like that' but they will try to convince you that they themselves are scared. weird though. cant we all be scared together. yea there are comparisons, but isnt the standard of good and bad different in everyone? idk i think ill do badly cos i felt that i didnt concentrate enough during As. particularly econs actually. that paper was what actually hit me the most. so im scared of results day too. and loads of things happen to results day. i guess peopel will be preoccupied with themselves more than anything. which was what i think happened during Os results day. its like a me-day. nothing else you could care for. people crying, so what? it was more important if you were the one crying, isnt it. i guess results day is just a day like that. people congregate, but they actually stay in their own bubble of expectations and hopes(?) and when everything is out they feel relieved/sad/happy, but its only for themselves. ME-DAY is coming soon:( and me-day felt weird at Os cos its like youre trying to look for someone to share whatever you had. but no one's actually noticing you /listening even though they may be looking at you. wao. im impressed i could even write this. maybe its the magic of the hour lol. (YEA CRAP TO RESULTS DAY MANZ)

and makes me thing of the whole bunch of uni stuff which makes me even more lost and scared. its like when you put off everything to results day? but results day is coming so youre forced to decide everything once and for all? makes me feel stupid though. its liek everyone knows where to apply to and i freaking am still freaking out about which course to choose. or even how to apply for stuff:/ feels really really stupid. its like in a swamp of things that i have to do but im not doing it cos i dont really know where to start/how to start:( i dont like the notion of uni though. its like a grown up thing. but i dont feel like im ready for that phase yet.

wah. okay. maybe next time i should stay up to blog at this time of the night. its surprising how i have this much energy to blog at MIDNIGHT SHIFT with the flu and muscle ache and all!! im good man! at least for tonight.

good morning people!

2011-02-23T09:24:00.008+08:00

MUSIC SPAM:D INDIE BANDS ROCK SRSLY:D THEIR MUSIC ARE ALL SO NICE. UNLIKE STUPID CPOP THAT TRIES SO HARD(BUT FAILS) TO COPY KOREAN BANDS:/

草莓救星--想不到

i like this song!!:D electric guitar max:D and doesnt the mv make you think of 好好先生's mv?:D

The girl and the robots--昨天/lost in yesterday

omg buy this ep for me!!!! crap la i really cant find this on yesasia and i have no idea where else to buy it:(

2011-02-20T23:07:00.002+08:00

有時在自己的世界裡自轉太久會暈頭轉向
然後在顧慮自己會不會吐的殺那
已經忘了在乎周圍的觀眾會不會惡心/跟你一起吐

----------------------------------------

為甚麼我有這麼多想擺平的事和想問的問題都沒有辦法問?
為甚麼我會生氣然後就只會生氣?
為甚麼我會害怕然後自己害怕?
為甚麼我又想說的話卻不會說?

或許我是太關心?
或者太俗剌/懦弱了

2011-02-17T12:24:00.002+08:00

i realised that when you have a sorethroat, m&m's doesnt taste as nice as it usually do:/ even spamming it wont get it tasting as nice:/

crap la everyone's like resigning soon. then what? wth. its like the whole company's staff resigning. even our GM's gonna resign. lol is there anyone left in the company to last me till june hurh? actually i dont want to work here until june-_- its like tiring plus so far away from home:/ and the shifts are really tiring. like how today's yuan xiao and im not home to eat dinner with my family. like how i get home every night when everyone's asleep already. and i still have to talk a walk home myself thru the stupid road leading to my house in the dark at 1am-_- and its 日復一日its really tiring:/ especially the midnight shifts:/ and i suay suay got two midnight shifts this month. oh well. its on the last day of feb. midnight shifts just waste my next off day away-_-

last day of the 4-day week today! tmr's off day:) yaye. actually also not very happy la. nothing to do tmr-_-maybe ill just slack the day away? lets hope there are not much stocks today!

i like this song. i like to put it on repeat and listen to it for over ten times. i think 易家揚 is power at his lyrics for this song.

我拉住時間它卻不理會
又沒有別人跟我一樣很想被安慰

風停了又吹我突然想起誰
天亮了又黑我又過了好幾歲
愛收了又給我們都不太完美
夢做了又碎我們有幾次機會去追

2011-02-16T14:53:00.002+08:00

为什么会这样？
其实我早就猜到会这样。
我只不过想在你飞得很高很远之间，或许还能扑救一点平起平坐。
你很好啊，一向来都是，只是会好得让我自卑或感慨为什么我没有你那么好
让我觉得你离开的机会真的比我离开的机会大很多很多
我只是单纯的这样想
或许我错了吧？

或许你不相信
可是我真的比你来得寂寞很多很多
其是我会想如果没有我你应该会过得很好吧？

我不想做工了今天

2011-02-13T23:30:00.002+08:00

BLACK SWAN!

its a good show! hahha all the darkness and everything about it! just that she really abit crazy hurh? hahha kill herself for going too deep into wanting the role haha! dancers are crazy manz!

2011-02-08T10:31:00.002+08:00

oh manz! today im on midnight shift!!!!!! and there are gonna be lots of stocks comign in today = lots of returns!! and i feel bad not being there when its feather's first day of work!!! :( crap la then the roster like that i also dunno how to shift or whatever so we can all go out together! :( anyway! hahha work's getting more fun with different 'bunch'-es of colleagues lol. they get abit crazy arh!!! talk about damn explicit stuff:/ talk about me being 19 and feeling damn young and innocent still-_- hope today's shift wont get too boring:D gonna start my SAVE MONEY, KILL FATS deal soon!!

SO FEA IF YOU SEE THIS, GOOD LUCK WITH WORK TODAY!! HAHAH SUAY YOU START WORK ON THE DAY THAT THE STOCKS COME IN LIKE MOUNTAINS ON TROLLEYS HAHHA! BUT HAHAH HOPE ITS FUN FOR YOU!!:D

aiya. fan nao-_-

chingay too! wth this year work with a bunch of retarded and slow people. (i really want to punch them alr!) i just srsly hope its gonna be okay on the two days and that people actually turn up. i sort of dont trust the volunteers plus the organisers now hurh:( lol. and at the starft i was hoping that this year we'll do better than last year. oh wth! lets just hope we dont crumble and nothing comes out of it!!!

gotta start handling chingay stuff now.

oh yea!

LIEWWANJANE! HOPE YOU DO (FAIRLY) WELL IN YOUR GA TEST LOL! ACTUALLY HOPE THAT YOUR BOSS SRSLY FINDS THATS ITS STUPID TO TEST YOU ON IT AND JUST GIVE YOU A PASS FOR IT!! HAHAH:D

2011-02-07T00:04:00.004+08:00

這種聚會到底可以多久一次? 它還會持續多久? 到我們都把彼此遺忘, 只剩下回顧照片的時候嗎? 說到照片, 其實不會害怕facebook就有一天不被眾人使用了嗎? 科技日新月異, 這叫facebook的東西應該有一天也會像friendster那樣消失得無影無蹤. (雖然我真的沒有碰過friendster!) 那上載的那些照片怎麼辦? 那些回憶怎麼辦? 一千多張的回憶啊! 不是說刪就刪得掉的啊! (as in not physically la!) 所以我喜歡洗照片的感覺, 那種放進相簿讓後可以收到照片都泛黃的感覺. 好像記載了時間, 在那個退色的照片裡.

然後當大家各奔西東, 追著自己的夢想/理想, 和曾想過留下的最寂寞. 然後再次的聚會是很多的等待, 很多期盼, 和期盼落空. 每次的相見, 或許我們又會聊到同樣的事情, 或者我們聊各個城市裡不同樣的成長. 然後我們會發現我們慢慢變成了不同以往的人. 相同點煙消雲散, 也隨著飄洋過海. 留下的職生僅僅可憐的回憶. 再度相逢, 或許你會是醫生,建築師, 工程師, 老師? 而我應該就討厭著未來那種隱形的隔閡, 因為我預計我的未來不會那麼輝煌, 也因此讓我後悔很多?

為甚麼你們都可以那麼輕易地決定要不要就這樣離開去讀書?

或者為甚麼可以那麼輕易地選擇你們的志願?

其實我發現我很多的害怕都來自你那種堅定. 如果選擇了不同道路..然後怎樣? 如果少了那些相同點...然後怎樣? 如果我不努力把相同點存得夠多... 然後怎樣? 如果變成曾經... 然後怎樣? 我猜我會瓦解吧. 其實如果我瓦解了會怎樣? 應該不會怎樣吧? 至少對於這個世界應該沒有起很大的變化.

在陳綺貞演唱會聽這首歌時候我哭了(一點點) 然有其實整場演唱會我最記得的就是這首歌的感覺. 因為在陳綺貞演唱前敘述那番話是我就已經在想著這些事情. 今天又聽這首歌, 然後又哭了. 現在的感覺應該比較強吧, 因為現實好像越來越逼近, 也越來越恐佈.

好像一瞬間就不見. 所有人. 只剩下我和我的愚蠢在掙扎.

如果我有能力阻止就好了.

其實我也不知道為甚麼我會這樣. 明明就不是這樣想卻一定要這樣說?! wakao然後弄到自己生氣/期望太多-_-. 不就很簡單的期望你懂我正在說謊:/ 懂嗎? 我也只是很簡單的希望你能填滿我的空檔, 而不是每次出門後還要說對不起的那種. 因為alternative往往是在家裡閒得發慌. ~~可能我只是怕如果這樣你以後都不著我了吧?~~

2011-02-05T23:31:00.005+08:00

快樂頌

詞：李格弟　吳青峰　曲：吳青峰　編曲：蘇打綠
吳青峰　演唱

一陣大風把我吹到你的面前該是多麼多麼快樂
讀一本悲慘的小說多麼快樂語言不通多麼快樂
在蒸汽室裡充耳不聞多麼快槳擦肩而過多麼快樂

我們　愛也快樂不愛也快樂
吵架也快樂不吵架也快樂
自由也快樂痛苦也快樂

六個傢伙這麼幾年吵吵鬧鬧是該多麼多麼快樂
起一次憤怒的爭執多麼快樂惡整對方多麼快樂
陽光時候開始練習多麼快樂以月光收場多麼快樂

我們　自動也快樂被動也快樂
沈默也快樂喧譁也快樂
突然也快樂等待也快樂
我們　無聊也快樂懶惰也快樂
大聲走音唱歌多麼快樂
早到也快樂晚起也快樂

我們　愛也快樂不愛也快樂
吵架也快樂不吵架也快樂
自由也快樂痛苦也快樂
我們　骯髒也快樂後悔也快樂
深吸一口空氣多麼快樂
早起也快樂晚起也快樂

-------------------------------------
今天我好像找到了以前我們那種愚蠢無知的快樂.
是我太久沒有回顧這種天真的感覺了.

2011-01-31T00:07:00.002+08:00

每一陣風都源自於一塊塊空氣
它像被一股力量推著走
若沒了那股力量
隱形的它怎麼也沒有辦法刺激感官
它只是滯泄然後悄悄散去
然後也無助是一個被城市當做理所當然的角色

但在人人開始情緒化的年代空氣被封為呼吸
讓後那股力量不在覺得自己有存在的必要
因為有風就會逆風而行
力量慢慢不見然後人人為風平浪靜鼓舞

但空氣卻對它說
你是不能被取代的因為你讓我
在每個生命的皮膚上添以觸覺的本領
和帶領夢想往高處飛那種放著一百種風箏的視覺饗宴
是撲鼻的嗅覺氣味
和輕風飄過耳際再繼續自轉的聽覺安慰
別再認為我會自己拼出這些成績

空氣裡的水蒸氣也需要你來風乾
城市的淚水也有你證實它的成就

因為沒有風
哪來逆水行舟的勇士

因為沒有風
也就只剩讓人不自在的冰冷空氣.

2011-01-29T16:40:00.000+08:00

OMG seriously I should stop meeting irritating people! you suck man!:( and I have to meet you this early in the morning wth! crap la let me go spam 去死吧 now!!:(

2011-01-26T00:21:00.002+08:00

seriously stop thinking about yourself all the time. yea fine so youre really really pitiful now?! freaking realise that everyone is trying their best to please you already!and now you come and quarrel with a freaking stressed up guy and make him blow his top. yea thanks man-_-

everyone knows that what youre thinking is just wrong so stop wallowing in this made-up self pity anymore! its not really nice when everyone's giving their all! omg!

知足常樂啊！

2011-01-26T00:15:00.001+08:00

眼神

讓人假設很多東西
也讓人決定很多事情

有些眼神就說了你已經放棄

2011-01-24T23:00:00.001+08:00

深深的話要淺淺地說
長長的路要揮霍的走
大大的世界要率真地感受
會痛的傷口要輕輕的揉

被抱緊的時候去勇敢的祝福
不被瞭解的時候
相信自己值得
永遠心疼做過的夢

在乎的人要傻傻地愛
經歷的事就慢慢地來
想法很多的時候要細膩地用
擁有一切以後就讓他走
在某個角落放一首歌

別忘了要溫柔
別忘了要快樂

2011-01-19T01:07:00.002+08:00

i had a bad dream last night and i cried all the way till i woke up:(

if dreams are the opposite of reality then PLEASE keep it that way! PLEASE!:/

我不知道自己到底在想什麼, 也不知道你想什麼

可是我總覺得我們是在想同樣的事情:/

2011-01-17T01:37:00.002+08:00

第一次

我看著weekly,

然後我寂寞了.

如果我能再聰明一點就好了, 那我會知道在想什麼, 或做錯了什麼.

我會知道能做什麼.

我害怕啊, 我害怕.

很多東西我都害怕.

2011-01-16T01:17:00.002+08:00

生日的最後一個小時我翻箱倒櫃, 然後找到/朝會很多回憶.

全都藏在一個個信封裡面

2011-01-14T23:56:00.002+08:00

went to NAFA open house today! haha really the nafa/laselle thing is sort of like a hci/ri thingy:/ the feel of the schools that is:D i think the guides at nafa were damn nice today lah:D (although my mum was saying my cousins who studied there had like a big quarrel with the school people + lecturers so she doesnt believe that they have nice teachers there) but yea! so felt like a mature applicant lah! zzz everyone there is like an O level student trying to get into nafa, even the teacher was like 'you are overqualified' when he heard that we were from JCs and all the guides were like 'why dont want to go uni?!' zzzzzzzzzzzzzz-_- results if not good how to go hurh!!@)*$&#

i got this big problem of whether to choose medicine (?) or bio sciences or archi or industrial design. hmmmm i think im like making myself more fan nao cos if im like still considering now means i dont want to get into med that much?! haiya whatever la! and bio science hurh! i got a great deal of interest in biology lah, but then hor the stupid thing that come after education is work right? i like bio but hahah just the theory part only.. srsly dont want to be a lab-report-writing machine next time! (but i want to study all the theory stuff leh how arh?!) and then comes archi and ind design. i think ill like the jobs next time but the first problem is (will there be?) yea like zzzzzzzz so many people taking these and im not sure if i can do design at allllll:/ hate these dilemmas man:/

and about nafa/laselle i think even if i do design it will be in nus bah... a diploma doesnt really sound good:/ like what fea said its like a normal course or workshop then you get a cert at the end. aiya just different from getting a degree:( sounds different fundamentally. oh oh oh but nafa has interior design and uni dont have... nus that is/ die liao lahhhhhh

spent my off day going to open house and rotting away practically then didnt get to rest much!;/ so my legs are still hurting:/ crap man i hope i can survive tmr~ okay the next off day i must rest le! no more walking around everywhere:/ its so bad that my muscle ache can last for one weeeeeek!:(

jane: i blogged!

bert: i blogged! (about my life~ lyrics are parrt of my life anw. so you should read them hahah)

2011-01-11T21:22:00.003+08:00

i think this song fits my mood now.
especially sodagreen's version. its a 感傷+寂寞-自憐+頹廢+無限的感激.

在廣大的草原上只有一匹馬
它在奔馳
不管順著風/逆著風它都一直在奔馳
就算有目的/沒意義它都一直在奔馳.
而守住荒野的
是寂寞
和圍繞著寂寞的輕浮.
是透明的
隱藏著的
是奔馳後的塵埃.

CREEP

When you were here before,

Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fuckin' special

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts,
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice
when I'm not around
You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here, ohhhh, ohhhh

She's running out again
She's running out
She run run run run...
run... run...

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't belong here.

2011-01-10T17:26:00.001+08:00

i blame it on my inferiority.

2011-01-08T01:09:00.002+08:00

reached home at 1250 today:/

i think im getting more used to working in the shop outlet in the transit mall already. just that idk why but today was a bad day and i totally had no mood to work at all:/ and yea i havent even passed the first month DAMN. my bad memory is keeping me from doing important things too like matching this colleague's name to a particular face etc to matching a certain book title to an author or to match an author to a genre of book(srsly i dont know that julian too does horoscope books or whatsoever.. i dont even read them:/// OKAY BUT NOW I DO!)

and i guess im getting better at the magazine portion and can rmb all the what let say a hundred titles of magazines and where they are located in the shop? ok la... im trying right?? zzzz. hate it when customers dont believe you when you tell them that you dont have this title anymore. dont believe then search it for yourself?!!!

anw haha one thing good about workiing at 804 is that i can play my ipod songs while working:))) heh. PLAYED JOANNA WANG TODAY:)) and jane! my colleague lent me norwegien woods to read! but my shop only have the title that i told you! stocks not in yet lol:/

oh yea! bert! thanks for tagging man. i thought no one comes to my blog lol:/ hahaha if youre coming to airport just text me earlier la:) then can go spend my lonley breaktime with you (lol sounds wrong.... zzz isnt this fea's job:/) hahah whatever:D

tmr morning have cca!! heh love batchmates!:) gonna sleep nowwwwwwwwww

2011-01-05T21:42:00.002+08:00

hahaha i just started to 100% use chrome instead of IE these days:D heh its really really so much faster!!!

i think after A levels i havent been much of a thinking person. or maybe i wasnt even worthy to be a thinking person in the first place. and im sort of screwing up my uni choices... got rejected by the uk unis, withdrawn from oxford interviews, didnt apply for USP, didnt apply for uni, havent decided what courses i want to take, havent decided whether to do attachment OR IF THERE IS ANY AT ALL-_- yea so many things i havent been thinking about. i think im just refusing to think about it cos its too troublesome to do all of these.

and work. haha working at the airport is fun and i think my collegues are nice people so at least its okay. but yea i still hate new environments. really really hate. stupid me, why do i hate change. crap manz hahah. whatever. still have to live with it. and all the eating alone during lunch/dinner/break makes me feel a little pathetic but i cant think that way cos jane showed me this blogpost that said its perfectly all right to eat alone as long as you dont think that its weird in the first place. yea. exploring the transit area today. wao all the high end brands!! hahaha but oops i only work in a bookstore:/

oh yea. YAY merry go square is running smoothly! hhahah hope we can start everything sooooooooooooon:D and hope that it will be 34567890x better than tweep:DD cos i cant wait to implement the value idea:DD heh.

okay actually im not feeling that well now. tmr still doing LF shift! have to work till 12mn then cannot go to khairul's gathering!!! sorrrrrrrrrry people!!! especially tts!!!! hahha and jane!!! got more photography mags and books in the inside shop!!! haha oops but i feel like working in the outside shop more zzzzzzzz:/

and i want to make myself blog more:D even if what i blog is crap!

2010-12-29T22:32:00.001+08:00

在你不想說話的時候, 我會安靜. 我會安靜.

2010-12-26T11:56:00.001+08:00

i shoud stop putting my problem onto other people, and so? ive forgotten what ive been telling myself? the thing about shutting up and not think that everyone needs/wants to listen to you, cos its absolutely not true. and the thing about only im right and no one else is not? seriously i should just tape my mouth and go and die.

crap i srsly hate myself.

and maybe im really just not needed anymore/in the first place.

2010-12-25T01:12:00.001+08:00

this world must be crazy.

2010-12-23T19:50:00.004+08:00

im like loving this song alot right now so im spamming it again and again. in fact, ive been listening to it for the whole day! isnt it just a wonderful song? makes me think alot.

2010-12-23T00:01:00.002+08:00

isnt it really sad when you realise a close friend doesnt really think of you in the same manner? all jokes aside, maybe she just doesnt treasure this friendship as much as she treasure others and that its really really obvious from the way she does things. i think its a really bad feeling. its like as if we are just substitutes for her other friends and spending time together with us is just a 'shun bian' thing...

right.
time passes and things change. or maybe she/you didnt change at all. you were just never her close friend in the first place-_-

2010-12-21T00:38:00.002+08:00

因為一個決定而被指指點點或被唾棄
因為選擇了另外一條路而被贊同讚賞
這樣的決定我承擔不起

不要再叫我一直做決定了
我也會累
因為要做決定而累到死掉

2010-12-19T17:00:00.001+08:00

2010-12-16T13:56:00.005+08:00

我的星空是一盞盞街燈

那微光是我的也是他/她的

是冰冷的城市中賜於溫柔的光

它沒有價格

像星星遍佈荒野

光也鑽進了巷口

填滿了空洞

很安靜.

有人在唱歌

2010-12-14T20:33:00.002+08:00

為甚麼生存和生活很難平等?

2010-12-12T12:12:00.003+08:00

蘇打綠各站停靠新加坡演唱會

oh manz its over.

time passed so fast at the concert yesterday i didnt even realised they sang so many songs when qf said that it was time to thank the organizers! crap. they should come to singapore more often!
or we can go to taiwan to find them:D hahha <3 sodagreen:D they seriously rock to the max!

the concert this year was so much much more high then the one two years ago partially because we all decided to 砸錢 and buy the 161 bucks tickets! but then no regrets! watchign the concert THIS CLOSE was a totally different experience! you can see everyone on stage instead of staring at the 頻幕 in person!!! its like qf standing in front of you to sing! like right in front of you:D (heh cos my seat was like right smack in front of the stairs so yea:D) and qf keep coming to that stairs to sing:DD

then it was really really high yesterday! like from the first song:D who cares about the ushers seriously! when its sodagreen... how can you tolerate a concert without standing up! although we suay suay still have like a few people sitting beside us that were like more 內斂-_- (and i really think the guy beside me knows sodagreen in person heh)

the songs were so good:D as expected of sodagreen!:D and hahah the talking parts were damn hilarious! and sitting in front was another advantage cos it was as if qf was talking straight to you:DD the band used 相信to walk round max pavillion this time and the whole band came down! (and jane! i think qf got spot us cos when he walk past our row he got look back to say hi again!!!! hairpey:D) then they sang 困在 and 城裡的月光:D <3 loads like how can someone resist qf singing 困在!!~~ but the screen was like seperated and long which really didnt look as nice as the one in 簡單生活節. gosh i really want to go and watch 簡單生活節/海洋音樂際 once!

oh yea! and the 感性parts~

勇敢追求夢想
像當然有一些夢想不會在我們看得見的範圍之內
但如果不勇敢就怎麼也不會靠近那個邊緣

總之
to sum up yesterday's con:

狂熱!!!!~~

2010-12-10T15:04:00.001+08:00

i like the lyrics!:D

無-蘇打綠

再回頭看一眼
然而也只是一眼
如果我們被迫決定生存意義
是踏破別人的路
如果我們能先明白死的意義
再勇敢吹息蠟燭
我們回到年少時光
回到嬰兒海洋
回到開啟生命那個晚上
再看清楚自己是如何垂下目光
長成模糊的面相

遺忘放浪遺忘
遺忘叫嚷遺忘

要記得這一眼
如果我們被迫決定生存意義
是踏破自己的路
如果我們能先明白死的意義
再勇敢點起蠟燭
讓我愛你靈魂骯髒
愛你臉色憂傷
愛你變幻無常白髮蒼蒼
再讓我們掙脫掉整件人海茫茫
逃離永恆的現場

渴望放浪渴望
渴望叫嚷渴望

像疲倦時需要夢
像膏肓需要解脫
像獸需要洞
像細菌需要塵埃
像覺悟前需要懸崖
希望有時卻比絕望還壞

逆風（三二一四八七無傷大雅）
飛翔（色是空空是色無所謂顛倒夢想）
解放放浪瘋狂叫嚷（讓愛男讓愛女我愛你無關痛癢）
虛妄遺忘（無形中無中生有無）
也就忘了這一眼

i cant wait for tmr tmr tmr tmr!!!:D

2010-12-01T00:26:00.002+08:00

陪我歌唱

詞曲:青峰

夜晚的窗啊輕輕拉著夢搖晃
使你的味道掀起風浪
夢中的你啊時時抓著我分享
把心的空洞填滿溫光

長長的街道攤在月光下曝曬
隕歿的星都裝進行囊
切切的思念懸在天央上呼喊
不睡的魚載著我出海

想你的心臟無法那麼逞強
佯裝著自己不痛不癢
朝你的方向能夠乘著想像
讓隱形的我鑽進你身旁睡得多香

讓隱形的你鑽進我夢鄉陪我歌唱

why didnt my doctor prescribe some medicine that has drowsiness as a side effect?
i guess i really need that now.

2010-11-28T10:10:00.002+08:00

我覺得啊
我一直會被蘇打綠感動
是一樣的歌
一樣的情節
一樣的瘋狂
可是他們的真實
他們的容易被感動
才是一種值得
謝謝蘇打綠
在這個時刻有給我多一劑的感動
和對於音樂的一種勇敢

2010-11-27T20:03:00.001+08:00

wth>:/

2010-11-19T18:52:00.000+08:00

2010-11-15T20:23:00.000+08:00

我累了.
好想哭.

2010-11-08T01:16:00.002+08:00

Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.

---Oscar Wilde, De Profundis, 1905

活著像自己很難, 因為世界上有太多太多的人,
已經有過很多很多世紀的突發奇想, 很多荒唐.
他們也遇過很多失敗, 很多放棄, 很多灰頭土臉.

時鐘會轉, 時間也會停留在我們的身上
雖然可能只是片刻
或著只是輕浮在這条生命的河.
但是我們會看到它, 會感覺到它像輕風穿過我們的手指間.
太多人想抓緊它
最後只也淪落為抓緊時間的尾巴.
它會結束.
但會讓過路的人看見它的光彩.

2010-11-05T14:14:00.003+08:00

THE ROSE

Some say love it is a river
That drowns the tender reed
Some say love it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed

Some say love it is a hunger
An endless aching need
I say love it is a flower
And you it's only seed

It's the heart afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance
It's the dream afraid of waking
That never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul afraid of dying
That never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong

Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snows
Lies the seed that with the sun's love
In the spring
Becomes a rose

2010-11-03T21:42:00.004+08:00

i want to buy so much stuff!
(but i dont have enough moneyyy!)

good brains for As
陳绮貞's 太陽演唱會live album
阿福's guitar book:DD
小寒老師's new book!
徐佳瑩's 極限album
air tickets to taiwan<3!
蘇打綠's converse shirt plus green lightsticks (okay la this one i can afford) for CON! plus the extremely beautiful 週邊s:DD (i seriously cant wait for As to end!):DD
九把刀's 無與倫比的自由
jimmy's artistic books:DDDDDDDD

--------->anyway BMAT was just a joke:D

2010-10-30T21:19:00.007+08:00

請你聆聽.

喜歡你現在的樣子
作詞：黃韻玲　作曲：黃韻玲

http://sodagreen.com.tw/main/weekly/weekly141.php

我就是喜歡你現在的樣子
我就是喜歡你這樣的脾氣
有時善解人意　有時粗心大意
我就是喜歡你現在的樣子

我真的喜歡你現在的樣子
我真的喜歡你這樣的任性
有時千言萬語　有時不說一句
我真的喜歡你現在的樣子

不要輕異嚐試任何改變
改變你現在所有的一切
以為我能再多愛你一些

不要懷疑自己
屬於你的一切都是美麗
我相信只有真心能永遠

不要隨便改變你現在的樣子

waa's version:D

這是我希望的十年.
那些莫名許下的願望和熱血/
感動和感嘆
那些莫名的十年承諾
我希望都不要變.

2010-10-28T21:31:00.002+08:00

我哭了.

是我對不起你對我的信念.
讓你難受了!:(

我只是暫時找不到自己吧!
相信我, 我一定會把從前那個自己找回來.
那個我比較喜歡的自己.

還有
你沒有失職啊!
很謝謝你的存在.
非常非常.
真的.

2010-10-27T21:46:00.003+08:00

如果你有看透我在說甚麼
你就會發現其實那是我壓抑很久的心情.

------------------------------------

正在聽五月天的<後。青春期的詩>. 好久沒有聽個專輯了!

大考快到了, 大家都在拼了老命讀書. 這幾天再學校留得很晚, 可是每天看到的都是熟悉的臉孔, 其實是有點欣慰啦. 我們可能都不認識彼此, 但是就是有一種大家一起努力的感覺. 就好像其實不只我在讀書, 大家都在k書, 在這種情況內找到推動力是一種群體動物的本能吧?

多13(?)天, 其實我對自己的信心真的是~~每況愈下(okay wrong)~~越來越少. 越逼近考試的日期, 月發現其實我可能都還沒有準備好, 而且這一次, 不可以像block tests, promos, prelims一樣. 因為這一次是最後一次, 是all or nothing,沒有重來的機會了. and我有很大的預感不會是甚麼好結果. 為甚麼會這樣!? 在這個時候, 有太多太多的東西要準備, 太多的事情要照顧. 而我不可以繼續當議個對自己不負責人的人了,因為到最後我只會更加討厭我這個該死的個性!

星期六要到了!我猜這應該是近期內最開心的事了吧? 可惜是簽名會不是簽唱會, 好想聽他們的live啊! 然後從這個星期六就不去吉他了:( 專心考試. although 我真的很喜歡去上課, 因為at least可以用幾個小時的時間專心於課業以外的事, 很開心啊! 現在沒有去上課了, 家里也不可以一直彈吉他!:( sad:(

明天還有mock paper. 要去讀書了!
jane write letter hor!!!!!:D

2010-10-10T20:07:00.002+08:00

我一直以為我是孤獨的
在遙遠的行星上
一個人生活
一個人唱歌

[陪你到世界的終結]------------(棉花糖)

流完了最後一滴淚
準備把悲傷告別
別懷念灑的麵包屑
趁昨天重來之前

我陪你到世界的終結
就算倒了都要在你的身邊
要陪你到世界的終結
我們擁抱住相信的死穴

流完了最後一滴淚
準備把悲傷告別
別懷念灑的麵包屑
趁明天毀滅之前

我陪你到世界的終結
就算倒了都要在你的身邊
要陪你到世界的終結
就算發現了歪斜
你就像是香水
讓香味遍野

你就是絕對
天造的美學
一切的一切
都要為你改寫

我陪你到世界的終結
如果死了都要在你的身邊
要陪你到世界的終結
我們牽手聆聽
萬物正在舉行的和諧

我知道你不會是孤獨的
因為我會
陪你到世界的終結

2010-10-09T00:26:00.001+08:00

SORRY. I SHOULDNT HAVE DONE THAT.

IM SORRY:(

2010-10-06T17:34:00.002+08:00

這些年來
溫柔變成了她的一種自信
建立起自己安全區的圍牆後
開始把自信裝在圍牆內
把不如意的事, 和害怕的事擋在外頭
而她是成功的

我只能在外面漸漸衰退
或許將來我會消失於圍牆外的世界
所以現在就只有靜靜地看
她真的很好
是我已經趕不上那種節奏了.

2010-10-05T22:35:00.002+08:00

bye bye tv~

you take up too much of my time! so you will be going into the storeroom just like jdramas right until As is over. gooderbye>:(

2010-10-01T20:37:00.003+08:00

this is bad.

i have no idea where to start for econs. but its already in such a terrible state:(( actually i think i have no idea where to start studying for all the subjects. prelims have to be a wake up call. ALARM actually. its so freaking late already. As coming, everyone's improving and working hard. and here i am slacking and slacking and i actually want to get good grades for As?!?

oh crap man. what's this. im like stuck at this moment. and studying is still not appealing for me!:( but i SO know that i need to study. seriously. where's the study mood when i was preparing for Os!!!!!!! i need it damn badly. plus the confidence that i can do well. (i sort of suspect that im like giving up already) cos everyone's improving and im the only one stuck here. slacking and seeing my grades fall and fall and fall.

how do i freaking make myself study more!! and putting all the things in. start to not understand more as i study:( and that is freaking freaking freaking bad. omg jiemin wake up!:( rah. im getting increasingly angry at myself too-_-

damn it.

and my ankle is freaking screwed up these few days (and i have no idea why).

pfffffffttt.

2010-09-29T17:59:00.001+08:00

我真的是太厲害了!

一整天全神灌注
在slack.

(真是的)

2010-09-25T17:47:00.002+08:00

或許我沒有這個資格說這些話
但因為說了讓我有點慚愧
就好像一個不懂事的小孩
對一個大人給於勸告是一個多麼可笑的事

該來的總會來
該走的總會離開
這個世界上的相遇和分離
明明就是靠著無情的巧合和時機

是我們把感情加注於這個鐵面的世界
是我們蒙上自己的眼說我們住的世界擁有甚麼甚麼溫度
沒有對錯
因為只有過來人最清楚

矇騙自己
是一個技巧
也或許需要一些天份

:)

2010-09-21T17:49:00.003+08:00

其實我們都需要做選擇
我覺得我或許做了一些不是我真正想要的選擇
或許只是人云亦云或許吧

像青峰說的站上舞台沒有僥倖
但是只要站上的舞台才會開始收集感動嗎?
或許還沒有到達舞台的人
只有羨慕

或許是崇拜或許是夢想
但是好不切實際

2010-09-19T03:17:00.003+08:00

just finished personal statement draft one.

yea its crazily 3.17 am and im not sleeping-_-

i really really dont think my ps is good at all though.
but at least the process of writing it is good. it made me more sure of what i want to do, why i want to do medicine and yea. basically it just made me more sure in the choice that i just nonsensically made. at least its serious stuff now.

proofreading time. damn i really need to make this personal statement a better one! (and should be quite easily made better cos rah... its so... unrefined now!)

and and jane!!!!!! my chinese also gg le! so hahah the letter dont mind any weird chinese expressions okay! and write write write write write!!!!!

2010-09-13T16:28:00.002+08:00

econs over. i guess i really did badly cos i didnt even understand some of the questions:(
and the three essays totally cramped my hand.
actually i dont even expect myself to do well (although i WANTED myself to do like really well for prelims).oh wells i guess it doesnt happen this way when i dont keep to my study schedule and dont study enough for it. yeps my own fault.

now for bio.
shall start on bacteria and viruses again. i just cant seem to remember those topics. oh yea plus the control of gene expression stuff:(
crap i dont really like taking papers in the hall:(
and i hope my hand doesnt break tomorrow.

2010-09-12T09:41:00.002+08:00

今天一起床就是一味的擔心明天的事
到現在才開始擔心
有沒有一點太遲了?

我連自己有沒有能力去面對明天的考試都不知道
怎麼辦啊?

2010-09-08T11:17:00.002+08:00

落雨的清晨
和一杯奶茶.

這是一天的開始.

2010-09-06T01:16:00.003+08:00

今天早上下了一場很大很大的雨.

還記得以前,我很喜歡下雨的時候.
因為夠冷, 或許就能夠在冰冷中找到一些身旁的溫暖.
我管他是不是自卑在作祟, 還是甚麼亂七八糟的心理.
反正今天就發現自己是一個很失敗的人.
或許人都喜歡感覺勝出. 我想很自私的說我也是.
或許是我自己的問題, 但是看見身旁的人不斷勝出/不斷因為是拜而不甘心的時候, 我也會則問自己/生氣.
為甚麼我總是這樣不爭氣?
為甚麼總是這樣隨波逐流?
為甚麼總是比別人差?
為甚麼發光發熱的那個人總不是我?

我太笨了.
甚麼都沒有.甚麼都不會.甚麼都不是.
所以也就自然而然的是一個徹底的失敗.
還是因為我身旁的人都太強了?
強到已經把佔了我呼吸的空間.
強到连贏的機會都不肯施捨給我那麼一點.
窒息而死, 是能感應到的'即將來臨'
別再跟我比了.
因為我真的比不過你們.
而最終傷心痛苦的還是失敗的我.

2010-09-04T00:03:00.004+08:00

回憶是自助餐總參雜著喜歡和討厭的.
而我們總是美化喜歡的淡忘討厭的
但我們也時時刻刻相信有更美好的事情等著我們因為人都是貪婪無比的機器
我們緊跟著一頁頁的時間表, 卻總跟不上一秒秒被荒廢的時光
我們游樂, 然後怪自己游樂
我們悲傷, 然後怪自己悲傷.

生命荒唐因為每一個季節的花總稀少的可貴
路過的人都想摘但沒有一個想看見它枯萎的樣子
是.
擁有的是永久, 卻不是華麗的盛開, 而是一代代沉默的凋謝.
就開始複製.
學習複製美麗, 複製盛開, 複製鮮豔.
卻怎麼也複製不了它的血脈.
熱血會沸騰, 但也有它該安靜的時候. 熱血會沸騰, 但也有它該平靜的時候.
所以人們複製的花總是達不到人們自己設定的標準和他們欲望的完美.
落葉歸根是自然的道理.
而自然就會有自己存在的道理.
盛開的稀少是教我們珍貴的重要, 而錯過了這個季節會有下一個季節彌補.

我們都是電話筒.
總愛聽別人說別人的故事, 更喜歡說自己的故事.
而傳達的只不過就是我比你好.
在掛上電話的同時處心積慮, 然後播下一通電話.
是. 我們是機器.
無時無刻被自己的慾望捆住. 被匆忙的腳步捆住. 被同頻率的心跳捆住.
也被長長的電話線綑綁住.
科技越來越發達, 我們也一味相信我們解脫了. 其實並不是.
我們只是被無線電話困柱了.
而這樣更離譜, 因為我們已找不到捆住我們的範圍, 所以怎麼也逃不出去了.

同時我們也告訴自己或是欺騙自己.
這是我們掌控的世界, 怎麼能夠反過來被世界掌控?
所以加上很多很多的肥料, 好讓土壤越来越肥沃
希望下一季花會開出一些淺藍色的感動.

2010-08-22T11:46:00.004+08:00

spamming this song now:D there's a reason why i love zhangxuan:D her music (AND GUITAR) rocks:D

Scream
作曲：張懸 / 陳建良
填詞：張懸 / 陳建良

也不是真的不要關心
也不是真的不曾介意
可偏我也不是真的拒絕這一切
只留下自己

也不是全都不理不聽
也不是真的無從繼續
可每一次我都試著堅強
都成了不得已的哭泣

I'm screaming, I'm losing all of it
I'm trying to be mature someday but
'til now it's still in vain
I'm bearing. I'm losing all of it
I'm trying to go on this path
But you said I haven't get the jests

也不是真的不要關心
也不是真的想盡辦法任性
而你懂不懂我懂不懂
其實我心裡都珍惜

也不是全都不理不聽
也不是硬要顛反事理
可每一次我的試著靠近
都成了你看見的抗議

I'm screaming. I'm losing all of it
I'm trying to be perfect someday
But 'til now it's still in vain
I'm bearing I'm losing all of it
I'm trying to be understood
But you said I haven't seen it yet

I'm screaming, I'm losing all of it
I'm trying to go on this path
But you said I haven't get the jests

I'm losing all of it
I'm trying to be understood
but you said I haven't seen the points

I'll try it out I'll try it out
I'm trying out sometime
I'll try it out someday

my blog is filled with mvs:D

2010-08-19T19:06:00.002+08:00

this speech really really speaks for itself. and about all the choices we did make and those that we have to make in the future.

"if you live each day as if it was your last, someday you will most certainly be right."

2010-08-17T22:16:00.002+08:00

haha lol bakajin!!! im blogging okay!~

i think staying in school to study rocks. cos it totally allows me to concentrate. unlike now with all the fb and youtube and blogger stuff. so i shall stay in school to study everyday!:)))))) and hope that ill get better grades.

had a long long talk with khairul after bio today. at least i felt more sure about what i can do and what i want to do and what is there for me to do. there's like too much stuff to think of now that its taking its toll on studies. yea i guess what we have to do now is really to mug mug mug. after As will then be the time to think how we can outshine the green pastures people in interviews and stuff. probably they have a better start but who cares. if the place is yours it will be yours:)

and i guess we're really spoonfed in school. especially the BIO UNIT which is almighty:) but if we get good grades, then i think the teachers will think that what their doign is effective and worthwhile? i guess. who cares how we're getting there. in the end we still all get there. no point comparing with others, cos there is bound to be people better and people worse. haha. OWN PACE OWN TARGET. thats super important at this period of time. and then when the As come we'll just pia dn do our best.

im really scared for math and econs and gp now. math at least i can just mug and mug and mug like bio and chem but econs its like. super contrasting lah. hate the contrasting subjects!:( i hope i dont fail too badly at prelims!!!!!

man. it sounds like JC life is comign to an end? isnt anyone feeling abit sad in the midst of studying?:(

i like this live version! listen to the instruments:) (and please listen to the lyrics! its good!)

2010-08-12T18:46:00.002+08:00

life's a cycle - you end off where you've started, yet the start is right after the end.

2010-08-11T01:25:00.004+08:00

女爵
詞曲/吳青峰

為你封了國境為你赦了罪
為你撤了歷史記載
為你塗了裝扮為你喝了醉
為你建了城池圍牆

一顆熱的心
穿著冰冷外衣
一張白的臉
漆上多少褪色的情節

在我的空虛身體裡面
愛上哪個膚淺的王位
在你的空虛寶座裡面
愛過什麼女爵的滋味

good music is to be appreciated. especially when its 1am into the night(morning).
rrrrrrrrrreally.
good music just make people want to make good music, and the cycle goes on. you get inspired, more good music. you get inspired again.

gosh if i have the abilities to make good music i want to write and write and write like there's no tmr. its like listening to songs that really swing your mood, make you feel like you can mug forever, make you think that you can believe in a better tomorrow, realise that you have dreams that you want to realise, or simply accentuate a certain mood that's hiding in you (that you never realised it was there).

yes, music has that strength.

and that's what drives people.
---------------------------------------------------
或許我們都不喜歡寂寞,因為太熟悉有人陪伴的下午.
當城市的顏色被黑夜吞噬
是一種恐怖?
還是一種終於能脫掉面具的幸運?
我們都太容易受傷,因為我們太害怕受傷.

(那就留多一點相信給自己吧! 至少有機會馴服'受傷')

老實說,很難吧?

2010-08-04T01:33:00.003+08:00

been thinking about alot of stuff recently.
grades, people, myself and all the deep dark secrets.

i guess all of us are formed partially from our subconscious secrets and partially from who we expect ourselves to be. and thats why its always difficult to determine who's the real ME.

today's a bad day. cos i forgot about what ive always believed in and did something that i dont allow myself to do. and thats why it made my feel like ive gone against my principles. its not exactly the extent of the mess that ive made.. its the extent which ive deviated from what i want to be.

有沒有人的夢想就是要成為一個虛假的人?
在別人指責你的時候
在別人糟蹋你的夢想
在別人把你說得一文不值的時候
你還堅持自己的夢想?
不管世界允不允許你的'職業'
不管這樣活著又沒有很多支持你的人
你還是堅持自己的夢想?

或許虛假不被世人討好
所以大家都忙著否認自己的虛假
讓後暗地裡隱藏這樣的一個夢?

有很多人
有很多各式各樣的人
而我們喜歡做的卻是拿一個人跟另一個人比較
'贏'的當朋友
'輸'的當陌生人

那你的世界'贏'的機率多高?
需不需要考試?
收不收留學生?
'輸'的機率多高?
街上有多少擦肩而過的人?
有多少擺著臭臉迎接客人的'失敗者'?

ok. sleep

2010-07-29T19:13:00.000+08:00

SODAGREEN ROCKS TTM!:)

2010-07-26T03:07:00.004+08:00

是一種期待, 因為會是一種動力.

蘇打綠第七張專輯《十年一刻》!

雖然說是日光狂熱小巨蛋演唱會現場專輯加新歌,但誰說敢說蘇打綠的LIVE不夠好? 聽聽<陪我歌唱>就知道了, 因為每次蘇打綠的演唱都是一場感動.很多人問為甚麼沒有在履行project vivaldi的承諾, 現在出一個演唱會專輯, 而沒有出秋? 對我來說,這就代表蘇打綠的團結, 和他們想把專輯做到最好的精神. 沒有阿龔, 蘇打綠就不完整了啊.同樣的,我覺得蘇打粉最讓人驕傲的地方,就是再支持蘇打綠的每一個人, 而不只是偏愛青峰, 因為蘇打綠的每個成員都好棒好棒.

這張專輯一定很棒!因為有我期待很久很久的雨中的操場!但是第一次聽到國語版無眠還真的覺得有點奇怪!畢竟台語版的真的很經典很好聽! 還有很多rock版的曲目! rock版飛魚(哈, 又多一個版本of飛魚),rock版日光, 蟬想(真的很好聽), 狂熱, 當然還有小情歌! 還有十年一刻---->讓我聽寫把詞都寫下來的歌, 因為詞很簡單, 但是讓人聽了就很感動, 尤其是青峰再第一次live唱這首歌之前說的話.

dvd.讓我想起我考完試一定要再痛痛快快的看一邊陪我歌唱的dvd. 那種渲染而感動, 是無法想像的.

聽說蘇打綠有意要來新加坡?!:DDDDDD 快點來吧!不管考試前還是考試後都會去看! 只要不要在考試中間!!!!! 不要啊!

十年一刻過後又會重新開啟project vivaldi吧? 我的cd櫃也該expand 一下了!都沒有位子放cd, 就這樣把魏如萱/棉花糖/方大同這樣擺著還真的有點過意不去:D

期待阿龔! 期待十年一刻!期待秋!期待蘇打綠!<3

3.32am (im not sleepy?! omg. lets do abit of gene therapy then:D)

2010-07-18T09:37:00.004+08:00

watched ballet under the stars yesterday and yea it was really a great show. was thinking about alot of things when i watched so yea i admit that around 1 minute of the show was wasted cos i was dreaming about something else.

good show though. i like the don quixote pas de deux and the piano concerto no.2 opus 102 best:) i think its because im not so into ballet and these two pieces (okay only the piano concerto one) was more to the contemporary side. the don quixote one was just because the ballet and the dancers were just too fantastic. just hear the cheers when she did her 36 fouettes!(and i really think she did much more) rocks man!:) the guy too!:) then the opening piece concerto borocco and the last one evening at the ritz were just amazing:D sort of make you think how much all these dancers have put into training etc etc:D totally feel the passion for dance!:DDDDD

dance is great:D it mixes the wow of music, expression and movement together:D the end product? WOW.

oh then there was the night festival yesterday too:D and apparently all the museums and the arts belt were open till like 2am:D heard opera singing from fort canning. naise!

then i realised. all these people there on stage that night. their passion must be fueled by some courage to make them just throw everything else away and embrace the stage and the spotlight. and i suppose that courage is something that i cant find in myself.

(yucks to an un-proper english post)

2010-07-17T10:48:00.001+08:00

愛這般缺陷又這般親切
可快樂怎麼篩選
收斂也只是安全的消遣
誰不準備開心表演？

2010-07-04T19:12:00.003+08:00

my internet's finally up!

first weekend after bt2 and the friday night without internet made me think about alot of stuff. plus the letter. but yea. probably i did a wrong choice of posting everything that is my view or all the rubbish that isnt on this blog that i start to annoy people. yea, great. probably im just plain annoying.

and the bottom part is written long before my internet crashed:( feel the difference in mood manz.

沒有關係

詞:魏如萱
曲:Fly(卡奇社)

沒關係我們常常說沒關係
像毛毛蟲褪下的皮像貓頭鷹吃蚯蚓
有關係沒關係就是有關係
像北極熊吃不到冰像蜜蜂銷聲匿跡

照相機閃光獵取秘密
誰管你願意還是不願意
隱藏的檸檬社會主義
不過是騙人的把戲

變變變地球的臉偷偷改變
流浪的靛藍色小孩
You must wait for your cosmic half
變變變你變了其實是我變
相愛也有試用期限有關係就沒了關係

沒關係也就是有關係
沒關係其實也沒有關係
沒問題最後跌破眼鏡
有問題卻追根究底

沒關係也就是有關係
沒關係其實也沒有關係
我愛妳愛我恨我自己
我恨你也狠不下心
--------------------

檸檬社會主義或稱 Lemon socialism.

From wiki:
Lemon socialism is a pejorative term for government support of private-sector companies whose imminent collapse is perceived to threaten broader economic stability. It is not a current within socialism per se; rather, it points to a corruption of free-market capitalist systems, which would normally allow defective companies ("lemons") to fail. The most common government interventions that earn the term involve infusions of government capital, as in bailouts, and may include some government control over company decision-making, as in nationalization. The Emergency Economic Stabilization Act of 2008 in the United States has been cited as an example of lemon socialism.

或許該放棄的我們都得放棄
不應該被支撐的
終究會倒下.
-------------------------

2010-07-03T10:47:00.007+08:00

局部的人

詞/魏如萱
曲/陳建騏

任何散場的那一刻留著還是走呢
拼湊不明白的疑問救贖尚未完成
陌生人沸騰顛倒的生存

我想我覺得我認為或可能
交頭又接耳表情多麼虔誠
神聖的愚蠢迷戀著巧合

她的嘴套上貓的腿我右眼黏在你的肩
你頭髮長出羊毛背老虎是他臉的反面

陌生根本就不單純充暪局部的人
還在複雜的糾正愛的規則
唱情歌苦了我們

開始結束了
結束開始了
-------------------------------------------------------------

生活不就是循環
再循環
再循環
再循環.

不停的忙著工作/唸書/狂戀/夢想
然後睡覺
然後起來時對著艷陽大聲地喊:"我要當個特別的人!"
然後靜靜地恢復著工作/唸書/狂戀/夢想
然後在晚餐時指著自己問:'今天有沒有甚麼成就?'
然後罵自己是個不敢追求的人
然後嘆氣
然後睡覺.

然後發現
其實自己只是在拖著空著的身軀生存.

魏茹萱的歌真的很好.
好想把整張專輯就放在這裡.

音樂感受人生.
放大也填補了生命的空洞.
像一張被狠狠撕破的布
觀看自己的缺點
感受
刺激
然後慢慢縫補.

回意起從前 只是太遙遠

回意起從前只是太遙遠